Life Flows On, Within You and Without You ... But Mostly Within You

Tomorrow will be a full year since my rhinectomy.  For those of you new to this story, one year ago, my entire nose was surgically removed to eradicate the Stage II melanoma that had taken root there.   


(See http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/barbaracaplanbennett/journal for the year-long journal about recovering from cancer and learning to live without a nose.)


I was going to start out this blog by saying that on July 5, 2011, my entire life suddenly changed.  But then I realized that was not true. I could say it changed on the day I got the diagnosis.  I could say it changed on the day the dermatologist told me I needed a biopsy.  I could even say it changed on the day someone told me I had chocolate on my nose (when I realized the deadly dark spot had become big enough to be noticed).


My point is, there really wasn't a single day on which my life changed.  It was truly a process.  There were many steps that ultimately lead to that surgery, and every one of them seemed life-changing.


But isn't that what most of life is -- a process?  Sure, there are instances where someone's entire life changes on a dime - a horrific car accident, a plane crash - something completely sudden and unexpected that no one could see coming.  But the vast majority of events in our lives are the result of actions that came before, whether we were aware of them or not.


I've come to believe that most of life doesn't happen to you, it happens because of you. Now, before you go thinking I'm one of those people who tries to "blame the victim" for a trauma or tragedy, please note the phrase, "most of life."  


A few years back, I spent considerable time studying Kabbalah, which teaches that we are responsible for everything that happens to us - based on our actions either in this or a previous life.  At first, I thought I saw the wisdom in this approach.  But over time, as I witnessed bad things happening to people I cared about, I began to question that teaching.


And when I was told I must lose my nose to save my life, I sat in bed with husband (who will hereafter be known by my nickname for him, "Aitch"), and asked what possibly could be the reason for us enduring this radical event. His answer was (to my surprise, since he had more ardent Kabbalistic beliefs than did I):  Sometimes shit just happens.  



People seem to fall into one camp or another.  Either they believe everything is completely random and no one has control over anything (i.e. shit always happens).  Or they believe (as Kabbalah teaches), that we are all responsible for every single, minute detail of our lives.
  
So here's where I've landed on the question:  Neither extreme suits me.  Those astrologically inclined would say it's my Gemini nature - but I believe absolutely that both are true.  Most of what happens to us in our life is the result of our own actions and beliefs. We have enormous control over many of our life events - power that we don't even realize we have - or responsibility that we don't want to take.  


And ... sometimes shit just happens.  The question then becomes, how will you respond when it does.



Obviously, none of what I've said is new.  It's all a rehash of various philosophies and spiritual beliefs.  As George Harrison said, "Life flows on, within you and without you."  I like to think the "within you" are the things you cause, and the "without you" are the random happenings.

In fact, I've probably come to this conclusion numerous times over the course of my life. But the human thought process is an interesting thing.  I believe we know a lot of things, but they get pushed to the back of our mind and forgotten - until something happens and we have to come to the realization all over again.


So today is the day for me to realize, once again:  I believe most of what happens to us is a process. Every step leads to another and another. Depending on whether you relish personal power or fear responsibility - this idea will bring you comfort or terror.  


It's Independence Day.  I choose comfort.